Good Intentions

I found myself in planning mode this morning and I gave it a solid effort. Planning our grocery list, travel plans, doctor appointments, work and school commitments, you name it. All this is supposed to be useful, but guess what? I began walking down the path of anxiety. Despite my best attempts at thinking (and I admit rethinking) about everything we’re doing over the next few weeks, I’m still faced with the fact that so much is unknown and out of my control. I’m not sure how I forget this, but news flash: I’m not in control of the world.

After putting in a considerable bit of effort into what seemed a fruitless amount of “planning”, my time felt wasted. Suddenly I was desperate for physical evidence of a productive day.

My daughters’ room became my next target. In hindsight, I should have picked a more attainable goal. (For instance, teaching monkeys to recite Shakespeare.) I ended up exasperated as my 1 year old and 4 year old repeatedly undid all progress just seconds after I picked up puzzle pieces, made a beds, stacked books, and hung up clothes.

I could feel myself losing patience with my sweet girls. My tone of voice developed an edge and I noticed this nervous knot in my stomach.

Hello, anxiety.

Planning?

It sure feels like I’ve been chasing my tail around and around and around…

(This post is part of Just Write.)

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